thoughts on issue 3 & call for submissions

now that the least horny day of the year, valentines day, is out of the way the editors of HPR can spend some time thinking of what we’d like you to submit to us

as always, we would like your poetry that got slightly too horny, your short stories that are too horny for granta and experimental prose that explores your kinks and fantasies but not in a hyper pornographic way which we know actually isn’t horny at all

pop over to the submissions page to read about all that stuff

but we would also love to have you send us something a bit different, if you have something that suits – for the first time we would like to read your essays on horniness

what is an essay on horniness you ask?

  • it could be an exploration of your own sexuality and how that interacts with the world
  • it could be about porn or pornography
  • it could be a set of instructions for conducting an experiment on horniness
  • it could be personal or academic or semi fictional
  • it could be about sending selfies you and nudes you regret, or don’t
  • it could be about how you spent ages working out how to 3d scan and print your penis so you could send it to someone as a way of commoditising your body interestingly
  • it could be a bit like an Anne Carson short talk
  • it could involve sexual politics, gender stuff and trans issues
  • it could be about sexuality and illness, sexuality and disability
  • you might just have something to say that isn’t a poem and isn’t fiction and it isn’t quite anything

we have written the word “sexuality” a lot above, because sometimes it’s not super horny to be a sexual being, but it can inform part of it

these essays should be:

  • no longer than 1000 words approx
  • free in form and delivery
  • not racist/sexist/all that bad stuff – don’t let that stop you exploring however

we’re just trying this out because a few people have said it’s kind of cool that there’s this sex positive space for poetry and writing

but we feel we can’t grapple with the size of that so we would like us all to grapple together, a groping mass of sexual positivity tumbling towards some kind of satisfying resolution

send us what you have for our sort-of-summer issue

some thoughts on issue two

issue one went really well, didn’t it?

for issue two, we would like more of the same – your poetry, experiemental fiction, literary prose – that just got a little bit too horny

but we’d also like to request some responses to a theme

this theme is Horny On Main – which, as you know, is when you post (or some other action) something horny on your real account rather than an alt

why do we like this theme?

we’d like to solicit stories and poetry around the themes of horniness during the holidays – which is kind of the ultimate main to go horny on.

we like the idea that, like the poetry and experiemental prose from the first issue, sometimes the horniness that creeps in is completely inappropriate

we like the idea that this could also be an accident

we like the interaction between status, register, and the public which this theme hints at

we know you have stories about fucking someone in your childhood bedroom as an adult that you tried to cover up with layers of literary finesse

when will we publish issue two?

we kind of like the idea of publishing it all on Christmas day?

let us know what you think to that

what happened to that print issue you talked about?

we think we’re going to do a nice thick anthology for the whole project

how do i submit?

hornypoetry AT gmail DOT com

Acute Trigonometry & Grey’s Anatomy

Acute Trigonometry

 Truth is an abstraction.
So is beauty. Words that withhold
a jar of jagged rocks,
the way a falcon does not.
falcon is a falcon unless specified
otherwise, unlike
cunt. Nor is any
A swearword is an accurate
of an inappropriate analogy.
calling someone acute trigonometry
is not going to offend
that person.
A swearword has to refer
to the genitalia or the modesty
of one’s mother/
sister. But mother
is an abstraction, the way motherfucker
is not
if the person referred to
is the recipient’s father,
unlike a cunt. A cunt is the object
of a centripetal force.
if you tattoo your cock
to make it resemble a bee, yours
will not become the queen,
it will still be
a drone.


Grey’s Anatomy

At the library, a pair studied anatomy lessons
on each other’s bodies. His left hand
deep inside her pants, excavating perhaps
a Bronze Age medallion, though she

complained from far above. Her right hand –
a miniaturized Pompeii – likewise buried inside
his pants. All of a sudden, he erupted
like an amateur archaeologist too eager

to please his guide when his trowel had hit on
a dent in the texture. It was she who triumphed
first, resurrecting from the debris
the Lighthouse of Alexandria.


Shriram Sivaramakrishnan recently completed his MA in Poetry from Seamus Heaney Centre for Poetry, UK. His have appeared in Allegro, Vayavya, Bird’s Thumb, Uut Poetry and so on. He tweets at @shriiram.

Shibari Dreams

A Silken Curl around my Hips
Intricate Knots across my Breast
Suspended in Cloudy Subspace
Heartbeat Slows within my Chest.
Velvet touches my Exposed Skin
Euphoria bites at my Thighs
Areolas tense and Pucker
As He delves into my Eyes.
I swing inside Slow Motion
I Drift amongst the Stars
Imprisoned in Sensation
As Venus collides with Mars.
Arms spread in Supplication
Presented for his Whim
Silken Thrusts spark Elation
And Gather deep Within.
Sensation keeps on Welling
Euphoria Bites my Lips
A Charge Rasps through my Body
And Tingles at my Fingertips.
As I Drift back down from Subspace
Silken Cords Vacate my Skin
I Drift into Deep Slumber
And Peace abides Within.


Our poet is happy to be known as triciaV. They provided this note on the poem: “Shibari is the ancient Japanese art of Knot tying in intricate pattern s on the body and as such has been incorporated into the bondage aspect of BDSM.The experience is said to be sensual and can be sexual too as in this poem.It is said to heighten the sexual experience and give an elevated high called subspace to the person in bondage.”

hornypoetryreview dot com is up, wyd?

so we got a real domain and that means we’re real now

we are going to get set up to put out poetry, short stories, experimental fiction and essays that got a bit horny (and are too straight up thirsty for your main)

you can read about submitting to us over here – we’re always open to booty calls of the literary nature

you can just email us on that address hornypoetry at gmail dot com if you want to

remember that if you read us, please share us through the alt you use to try and catfish your ex-boyfriend with

issue one, some thoughts

today i have been wallowing like a happy pig in your literary efforts that went a bit smutty

most of you who have submitted will have received and email confirming whether we’ll be publishing your dirty laundry, or not

the standard of writing was really high and a lot of you really got it in a way that makes us really happy

so far we have eleven poets/writer for issue one, but we suppose there might be room for a few more to slip in

most poets/writers will have one poem published, but there are a couple with a lot of horny baggage that we’d like to help out

as per the plan, we will soon be turning this into a proper looking website with a domain and everything

after that, we will begin publishing the poems online for issue one

we think it would be nice to publish them in batches on sunday mornings (the horniest morning, let us be clear)

we think it might be best for issue one to start in october with issue two following for around christmas an new year – or similar

later we will get in to how to publish a collection in print (we’d love to do a dirty risograph that we somehow get illuminated in collaboration with some cool printers or something – but we don’t know how our costs would look on that)

please feel free to get in touch (to submit poems, or suggest ideas) on:

hornypoetry AT gmail DOT com

or shout at us (kindly) on twitter

we’re so pleased that this project seems to be happening – thank you all


some questions

we’ve had a few questions slithering into our DMs that we thought might be usefully answered for everyone who has ever done a poem that turned out a little bit horny

what length are you looking for?

honestly, we don’t mind right now – but we would expect poems to be in the normal range of under 80 lines, flash to be under 500 words, and essays or prose to also be shortish (under 1000 generally?)

but, frankly we’re happy with any length work as long as it fits with our remit

do i have to tell you my name?

no, we can post anonymously or unattributed or just linked to your weird tumblr or your alt twitter or whatever

do you only accept english language poems?

we only read english at this time, but – but – but – this doesn’t mean we don’t have some second languages around us, and we’re really into bilingual poems or any kind of expression of difference, so why not try us anyway?

i have published this before, online, or on my personal blog, can i send it to you?

you can, but we like things that haven’t been published elsewhere before – you’re much less likely to be chosen for an issue if you have published a poem elsewhere

is this horny enough?

usually, if the poem you’re submitting sprung to your mind when asked about horny poems, that’s a pretty horny poem

is this all going to be straight stuff?

we hope not. i mean, i hope the point of this is for you to send us the poem where you got a bit queer and horny without intending to. if you’re already pretty gay then you only need to apply the “is this piece of supposedly avant garde literature surprisingly horny?” test to know if it fits

do you want me to send you some nudes with my horny acrostic poem that was meant to be about a farm?

no, but thank you for offering. we will not be publishing any images in this journal as it stands. this is about the interaction of the writing and the writer, their perception, their understanding of self – but not necessarily their body. putting a nude next to a horny poem is a bit like when a monster movie shows the monster. that is not a comment on your nudes. we do like nudes, just not for this project.

you mentioned a print edition, what’s going on there?

we hope to put together a rough and ready print edition of at least one issue or an annual or something. we might do some further collaborative work for this and will let you know all about it in advance

do you pay?

no, sorry, not yet anyway

can i send you money?

this is a joke, no one has asked this at all

who are you?

we don’t really want to disclose that, but we’re not anyone famous or cool

who aren’t you?

we aren’t your boyfriend, your boss or your postman, if that helps

i have a question?

slide in to the DMs or email hornypoetry [AT] gmail [DOT] com and we will try and answer it on this page as well as directly